Lyons Leadership

There is no one-way-fits-all approach to raising your children and in fact you can find almost countless books on the subject in bookstores with conflicting advice. From my own personal and professional observations it looks as if more and more parents feel that they should take their lead from books when they are faced with the lifelong task of caring for a child instead of relying on their own resources.

One thought to bear in mind from the beginning is that so-called “expert” recommendations change periodically. For example, sixty or seventy years ago the perceived wisdom was that a baby who cried should not be immediately picked up because that would train him to expect instant attention. Instead, the realization right from the start that baby had to fit into a routine was an essential preparation for his or her acclimatization to life’s realities later on.

Dr Benjamin Spock was the first child care expert who went against the conventional wisdom of the time. Whether you agree or disagree with his opinions he was very influential in changing western society’s view on parenting. He argued that babies should be treated as individuals who did not fit into a disciplined routine and that cuddling and kissing your baby when they cried would not spoil him or her. Over the years many more child care experts have emerged with varying opinions as to the right and wrong way to bring up baby.

My own introduction to the joys and difficulties of raising a child was more than thirty years ago. At that time the use of books to become a parenting expert was thankfully still fairly rare and certainly not something I resorted to. Like most moms, I had doctors, midwives, family and friends to consult in addition to the natural instincts that I believe virtually all moms have.

I am certainly not an expert when it comes to parenting but there are a number of things that I found worked well for me and my children and I would like to share them with you:

* Whether breast feeding or bottle feeding I found it a great time to talk to them – not only does it help create a bond it is a time of closeness and lots of cuddles.

* Using our baby carriage in the open air of the back yard as a resting place for baby: this helped to bring on their more immediate and peaceful sleep. Obviously it is not feasible for working moms or those without a secure back yard – and today’s more popular stroller is nothing like as good as a baby carriage for this purpose!

* Having a routine, albeit flexible, seemed to work well – especially at bed time. From being young babies the routine used to be bath, feed, story then crib even before they were sleeping through the night. Even as the children got older having a calm time before bed seemed to help them settle better for the night.

* Talking to young babies helps in their language development – I used to talk to them when I was bathing them, changing them, doing chores, when we went out in the car or out for a walk.

* Organizing my day so that in the afternoon I had time to devote to my children by focusing on housework in the morning.

* Presenting a united front to the children when it came to matters of discipline and routine. Children are just great at driving a wedge between Mom and Dad, even when they are very young, so we handled any Mom and Dad debates when the children were not around.

* Adopting a consistent set of rules and discipline. Our children responded to knowing what was expected of them and they (mostly) accepted decisions when they were given reasons, even if they didn’t agree with them.

As I said earlier I do not profess to be an expert on child care and I would never impose my views on people because everyone has different values. All parents need to find the method that works best for them but they will also need to be flexible as the babies haven’t read the book and every baby is different!